Fashion Overload

Never! Doublemint Edition

If this were one of those "What's wrong with this picture?" games from children's activity books, here is the "Patterned Picnic" circa 1989 edition. The answers are: Diet Pepsi, Native American-ish choker, ugly little purse, and I think the guy on the far right is sticking his finger in that girl's butt.

Never! J/O T

This is one of those garments that can only be pulled off in a very limited number of circumstances. Office birthday parties? Nope. Parole hearings. Of course not. However, if you're an asshole this works for special occasions with elderly family members. The large bold print showcases a level of consideration for any visual shortcomings Aunt Louise may have.

Never! Ed Bed

WHY!?!?!

Never! Prom Edition

It's about that time of year and I'm starting to get a lot of emails regarding formal dresses for young ladies. Even though we have a tendency to say that all teens and tweens are dressing too racy for their own good nowadays, when I look through the images of the goods that are available 95% of them are these hideous and unflattering empire waisted, long column dresses. Unless you're at least 5'10" and max out at 105lbs you'll look fat and stumpy in these gowns. Why not select something that is shorter.. say cocktail length? You can put the torches and pitch forks away people. I'm not talking micro-minis. Just knee length or a couple inches above.

This particular dress is the wrongest I've seen thus far. I mean, I'm kinda amazed and scared of the teen bitch that would leave the house in a huge swollen vagina dress... with both a tiara and that smug expression. That takes some HUGE nuts. Really, this is one of those garments that only a drag queen could pull off. 

Never! Denim & Diamonique

People like to say that this millenia is all about multitasking. We blog and Twitter when we should be driving, or walk and chew gum. This mish-mash of a garment is part g-string and hip hugger jeans for the kind of classy gal who's multitasking prowess involves doing things like having sex while she makes money. Don't even get me started on the belly piercing.